The Judge’s Song
WHEN I, good friends, was called to the Bar,I’d an appetite fresh and hearty,But I was, as many young barristers are,An impecunious party.I’d a swallow-tail coat of a beautiful blue—A brief which was brought by a booby—A couple of shirts and a collar or two,And a ring that looked like a ruby!
In Westminster Hall I danced a dance,Like a semi-despondent fury;For I thought I should never hit on a chanceOf addressing a British Jury—But I soon got tired of third-class journeys,And dinners of bread and water;So I fell in love with a rich attorney’sElderly, ugly daughter.
The rich attorney, he wiped his eyes,And replied to my fond professions:“You shall reap the reward of your enterprise,At the Bailey and Middlesex Sessions.You’ll soon get used to her looks,” said he,“And a very nice girl you’ll find her—She may very well pass for forty-threeIn the dusk, with a light behind her!”
The rich attorney was as good as his word:The briefs came trooping gaily,And every day my voice was heardAt the Sessions or Ancient Bailey.All thieves who could my fees affordRelied on my orations,And many a burglar I’ve restoredTo his friends and his relations.
At length I became as rich as the GURNEYS—An incubus then I thought her,So I threw over that rich attorney’sElderly, ugly daughter.The rich attorney my character highTried vainly to disparage—And now, if you please, I’m ready to tryThis Breach of Promise of Marriage!