How It’s Done
Bold-faced ranger(Perfect stranger)Meets two well-behaved young ladiesHe’s attractive,Young and active—Each a little bit afraid is.Youth advances,At his glancesTo their danger they awaken;They repel himAs they tell himHe is very much mistaken.Though they speak to him politely,Please observe they’re sneering slightly,Just to show he’s acting vainly.This is Virtue saying plainly,“Go away, young bachelor,We are not what you take us for!”(When addressed impertinently,English ladies answer gently,“Go away, young bachelor,We are not what you take us for!”)
As he gazes,Hat he raises,Enters into conversation.Makes excuses—This producesInteresting agitation.He, with daring,Undespairing,Gives his card—his rank discloses—Little heedingThis proceeding,They turn up their little noses.Pray observe this lesson vital—When a man of rank and titleHis position first discloses,Always cock your little noses.When at home, let all the classTry this in the looking-glass.(English girls of well-bred notionsShun all unrehearsed emotions,English girls of highest classPractise them before the glass.)
His intentionsThen he mentions,Something definite to go on—Makes recitalsOf his titles,Hints at settlements, and so on.Smiling sweetly,They, discreetly,Ask for further evidences:Thus invited,He, delighted,Gives the usual references.This is business. Each is flutteredWhen the offer’s fairly uttered.“Which of them has his affection?”He declines to make selection.Do they quarrel for his dross?Not a bit of it—they toss!Please observe this cogent moral—English ladies never quarrel.When a doubt they come across,English ladies always toss.