A Manager’s Perplexities
WERE I a king in very truth,And had a son—a guileless youth—In probable succession;To teach him patience, teach him tact,How promptly in a fix to act,He should adopt, in point of fact,A manager’s profession.To that condition he should stoop(Despite a too fond mother),With eight or ten “stars” in his troupe,All jealous of each other!Oh, the man who can rule a theatrical crew,Each member a genius (and some of them two),And manage to humour them, little and great,Can govern a tuppenny-ha’penny State!
Both A and B rehearsal slight—They say they’ll be “all right at night”(They’ve both to go to school yet);C in each act must change her dress,D will attempt to “square the press”;E won’t play Romeo unlessHis grandmother plays Juliet;F claims all hoydens as her rights(She’s played them thirty seasons);And G must show herself in tightsFor two convincing reasons—Two very well-shaped reasons!Oh, the man who can drive a theatrical team,With wheelers and leaders in order supreme,Can govern and rule, with a wave of his fin,All Europe and Asia—with Ireland thrown in!