A Hyde Park Larrikin
—* To the servants of God that are to be found in every denomination,these verses, of course, do not apply.—H.K.—
You may have heard of Proclus, sir,If you have been a reader;And you may know a bit of herWho helped the Lycian leader.
I have my doubts—the head you “sport”(Now mark me, don’t get crusty)Is hardly of the classic sort—Your lore, I think, is fusty.
Most likely you have stuck to tractsFlushed through with flaming curses—I judge you, neighbour, by your acts—So don’t you d—n my verses.
But to my theme. The Asian sage,Whose name above I mention,Lived in the pitchy Pagan age,A life without pretension.
He may have worshipped gods like Zeus,And termed old Dis a master;But then he had a strong excuse—He never heard a pastor.
However, it occurs to meThat, had he cut DemeterAnd followed you, or followed me,He wouldn’t have been sweeter.
No doubt with “shepherds” of this timeHe’s not the “clean potato”,Because—excuse me for my rhyme—He pinned his faith to Plato.
But these are facts you can’t deny,My pastor, smudged and sooty,His mind was like a summer sky—He lived a life of beauty—
To lift his brothers’ thoughts aboveThis earth he used to labour:His heart was luminous with love—He didn’t wound his neighbour.
To him all men were just the same—He never foamed at altars,Although he lived ere Moody came—Ere Sankey dealt in psalters.
The Lycian sage, my “reverend” sir,Had not your chances ample;But, after all, I must preferHis perfect, pure example.
You, having read the Holy Writ—The Book the angels foster—Say have you helped us on a bit,You overfed impostor?
What have you done to edify,You clammy chapel tinker?What act like his of days gone by—The grand old Asian thinker?
Is there no deed of yours at allWith beauty shining through it?Ah, no! your heart reveals its gallOn every side I view it.
A blatant bigot with a bigFat heavy fetid carcass,You well become your greasy “rig”—You’re not a second Arcas.
What sort of “gospel” do you preach?What “Bible” is your Bible?There’s worse than wormwood in your speech,You livid, living libel!
How many lives are growing grayThrough your depraved behaviour!I tell you plainly—every dayYou crucify the Saviour!
Some evil spirit curses you—Your actions never vary:You cannot point your finger toOne fact to the contrary.
You seem to have a wicked joyIn your malicious labour,Endeavouring daily to destroyThe neighbour’s love for neighbour.
The brutal curses you ejectMake strong men dread to hear you.The world outside your petty sectFeels sick when it is near you.
No man who shuns that little holeYou call your tabernacleCan have, you shriek, a ransomed soul—He wears the devil’s shackle.
And, hence the “Papist” by your clanIs dogged with words inhuman,Because he loves that friend of manThe highest type of woman—
Because he has that faith which seesBefore the high CreatorA Virgin pleading on her knees—A shining Mediator!
God help the souls who grope in night—Who in your ways have trusted!I’ve said enough! the more I write,The more I feel disgusted.
The warm, soft air is tainted throughWith your pernicious leaven.I would not live one hour with youIn your peculiar heaven!
Now mount your musty pulpit—thump,And muddle flat clodhoppers;And let some long-eared booby “hump”The plate about for coppers.
At priest and parson spit and bark,And shake your “church” with curses,You bitter blackguard of the dark—With this I close my verses.