General John
THE bravest names for fire and flamesAnd all that mortal durst,Were GENERAL JOHN and PRIVATE JAMES,Of the Sixty-seventy-first.
GENERAL JOHN was a soldier tried,A chief of warlike dons;A haughty stride and a withering prideWere MAJOR-GENERAL JOHN’S.
A sneer would play on his martial phiz,Superior birth to show;“Pish!” was a favourite word of his,And he often said “Ho! ho!”
FULL-PRIVATE JAMES described might be,As a man of a mournful mind;No characteristic trait had heOf any distinctive kind.
From the ranks, one day, cried PRIVATE JAMES,“Oh! MAJOR-GENERAL JOHN,I’ve doubts of our respective names,My mournful mind upon.
“A glimmering thought occurs to me(Its source I can’t unearth),But I’ve a kind of a notion weWere cruelly changed at birth.
“I’ve a strange idea that each other’s namesWe’ve each of us here got on.Such things have been,” said PRIVATE JAMES.“They have!” sneered GENERAL JOHN.
“My GENERAL JOHN, I swear uponMy oath I think ’tis so—”“Pish!” proudly sneered his GENERAL JOHN,And he also said “Ho! ho!”
“My GENERAL JOHN! my GENERAL JOHN!My GENERAL JOHN!” quoth he,“This aristocratical sneer uponYour face I blush to see!
“No truly great or generous coveDeserving of them names,Would sneer at a fixed idea that’s droveIn the mind of a PRIVATE JAMES!”
Said GENERAL JOHN, “Upon your claimsNo need your breath to waste;If this is a joke, FULL-PRIVATE JAMES,It’s a joke of doubtful taste.
“But, being a man of doubtless worth,If you feel certain quiteThat we were probably changed at birth,I’ll venture to say you’re right.”
So GENERAL JOHN as PRIVATE JAMESFell in, parade upon;And PRIVATE JAMES, by change of names,Was MAJOR-GENERAL JOHN.